Grief...

02-17-2005, 12:20 AM

Well, I'm dealing with the loss of a beloved pet of mine that I've had to put down this afternoon because of liver failure.

I'm not doing well. I had him for over 14 yrs and really clicked with his unique personality. My wife who hasn't ever had a pet and is allergic to animals of all sorts can't really understand my grief, nor do I expect her to. She's been very supportive but I feel it's some cross-over with her 2nd job of Hospice care. (it funny sometimes when she refers to Marley's death as a person). I'm a bit of a pragmatist and realise what needed to be done, but really will miss the little fella. 36 and still a blubbering baby about this.

Solarsis · 02-17-2005, 01:13 AM

Welcome to the forum Marley. I'm sorry you had to arrive on such sad circumstances though

What you are feeling is perfectly normal. Marley was a part of your life for many years and was like a family member from the sounds of it. Letting go of a beloved pet is never easy, even when it was the right decision. I myself had to go through that a while back and know how much it can hurt. give yourself time to grieve the loss. Cry is you need to, but most important is to give yourself time.

Please let us know if we can do anything to help. We are also here if you need to post (like you just did) never feel like you're being stupid or annoying for it

Take care

Candycane · 02-17-2005, 01:27 AM

I am so sorry that this has to be your first post on our forum.

I know the pain that you are feeling...many of us do. I love one of my chinchillas this past summer and I was so hurt. I couldn't look at her things...in fact, I only put her meds away at Christmas time. It is normal to feel such a great loss. Our pets are family.

Take your time to grieve. The hurt doesn't really go away completely but in time, you will be able to remember Marley for all the joy he brought to your life.

And if you need someone to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on, or just want to tell us more about Marley, please do. That's what this forum is for.

fertmom · 02-17-2005, 08:16 AM

I am sorry for your loss of a long time loved pet. Would you like to tell us about Marley? What type of pet, any favorite stories, etc? Sometimes that will help the healing process if you share with others.
If you do, you will find there are many of us here who are interested, supportive and often feel the same way about a beloved pet or have had a similar experience.
Welcome to POTN.

Denise · 02-17-2005, 10:00 AM

Marley, I am sorry your first post on POTN had to be a sad one.

I am sorry to hear about your loss and it is completely normal to grieve over a pet like a human. You will find a lot of support here if you should need it.

consumercity · 02-17-2005, 02:31 PM

My brother and his wife recently lost their dog to liver failure. She was experiencing a lot of pain and suffering, so they had to have her put to sleep. She was their baby for 13 years and they both cried over her loss (so did I). It's healthy to grieve and it is understandable to cry when you lose a family member. I hope you can find some comfort in all the happy memories and the fact that Marley isn't suffering anymore.

02-17-2005, 05:00 PM

Thank you for all your support. I'm feeling better but still can't shake the crying over stuff like seeing his food plates, litter, food ect.. It just makes the whole finality of it hit home again.
He just recently moved back in with me at our home because we bought our own house with a garage and fenced in storage area, both of which my cat "owned". Before that he stayed at my parents for 5 years being fed by them and myself when I was over there. My dad seems as shaken as I am.
The one very importaint thing I am taking from this is to never let myself take for granted the presence of someone whom you care for. I could have spent more time out in the shop with him and didn't because I figured I'd be able to in the spring and summer when it got warmer out. (garage/shop was actually about 50 deg.) Sometimes that time never happens, like now. I feel guilty. It sucks!
My wife is trying to make me feel better by saying that he "came home to die" and that by being with me for the last month he felt it was OK to let it happen to him. The last time I got to hold him was last Thursday and he did something that he's not done since he was a kitten- when I picked him up he put one front paw around the front of my neck and the other around the back and "hugged" me to get at my ear to suckle on. It always tickled too much to let him go on, but really made me feel like "ma" to him. I just stood there with him for 45 min. in 20 degree weather watching him look at the stars and trees move, all the time loving the fact that he was with me and not at my parents.
Never take for granted the moments in life that make you happy.
I found him when he was the size of a baseball. He lived with me in Chicago, Pittsburg, San Antonio, Oklahoma City, and now Madison. He was black and white and looked like he had on a tuxedo. He was named Marley after the song on the radio at the time he "presented" himself to me at a party in Whitewater WI. He bounded accross a lawn 10" deep from negelect from the tennants and the whole time he was crossing the yard I thougt I saw a piece of white tissue blowing accross the lawn. It was him bounding, showing the underbelly white. He landed on the pavement right next to me and shook off, looked up at me and cocked his head, meowed and proceeded to climb up my right leg. He made himself into a little ball on my lap and fell asleep. That was all it took. He came back to Chicago with me on Sunday.
I still can't believe he survived the first month in the coachhouse. A former tennant had lost a tree boa constrictor and told no one before vacating the apartment. I was on my way out one night and there was a shadow off the back of my television set and I looked around and saw the snake, freaked out, and pulled it out and threw it into a cooler. We, roomate and me, put an ad in "The Reader" and the former tennats boyfriend saw it and called us. One month co-habitating with a cat and a snake. Whew. Can't believe he make it. And I thought he was the one cleaning up all the insects.
I've got more stories but don't want to babble on. Thanks for the ear(s). It does make you feel better to tell stories.

Candycane · 02-17-2005, 05:14 PM

Aww, Marley sounds like the most precious kitty. He was very lucky to have you.

And don't feel guilty. You will always wish that you could have spent more time with him...it's natural. Don't beat yourself up over it. Marley had a great life, with people that cared about him. That's all that a cat can ask for.

consumercity · 02-17-2005, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marley

I've got more stories but don't want to babble on. Thanks for the ear(s). It does make you feel better to tell stories.

Please feel free to tell more stories. I'd love to hear them and I'm sure everyone else would too. Plus, remembering the happy times will help you feel better.

Banshee · 02-17-2005, 05:38 PM

It sounds like Marley had a wonderful life full of love with you and your parents. We're here to help in any way we can.