where did I go wrong...*long sorry...*

Ninja · 10-07-2007, 12:50 AM

OK... well I have had someone in my life since last July that I truly thought was 'the one.'
I went with him to his place in Australia in the outback and lived and worked with him. I have been with him every day since last year and I love him so much.
The last month I started to notice I get no hugs from him yet he says all is fine. A few days ago I ask ok I am going to plan to come to Australia do you still really want me to come... "yes" You aren't going to say no when you get there right?! "nope" and yet I asked him yesterday morning what was going on as he seemed to not really improve much and still hadn't seemed to care about me. He said he just wants to be single when he goes home. He hasn't loved me since the beginning of September. (Note the end of August, his ex he was with for 3 years and engaged to, started having interest in him and he invited her over and to the ball next year.) He also has been talking about some new girl at the barn he is working at that I was working at with him I haven't met her as I have been working the last week here. He wanted to stay at my house and use my car his whole trip here as he didn't want to stay at the barn the whole time. Yet he told me he wasn't going to tell me he didn't love me anymore until I dropped him off at the airport. My assumption was I would see him off Dec 4 and then go back there in March which he knew was the plans as well.
Anyhow... I went to the barn today and he was up apparently all day with this girl he has told me all about that works there now. He also apparently is staying up there with her... I don't know if they meant he is hanging out all day or what but I am just so hurt. He had nothing to say on the ride to the barn when I took him and his stuff and no hug goodbye or nothing. I feel so hurt and alone and confused... I don't know what I am not attractive or wanted by him or anything.. I'm just in so much pain I have to share this more to get it off my chest as I keep crying and don't want to really phone anyone to try and help me understand... thanks for reading... I just had to tell someone...

Ninja · 10-07-2007, 12:57 AM

Gosh I am so sorry this was so long... I just can't stop thinking about whether he loves someone else, is even sad or what.. I miss him SO much.

I have a lesson there Monday as it was supposed to be yesterday but I couldn't do it... I am scared I will cry upon seeing him especially if he is chatting and hanging out with his new found friend...
I want to write him to see if he still feels the same way but I am assuming I should not and just assume his feelings won't change.

I don't know... just have to share.. thank you so much for reading...

Candycane · 10-07-2007, 01:00 AM

I'm so sorry, Jess.

And please don't think that this has anything to do with you. He's crazy to let you go.

It will hurt for awhile, especially because this was quite sudden. He should have been mature about it and told you how he was feeling. Try to stay busy in the next couple of weeks and just treat yourself well. Things will work out in the end.

suzoo · 10-07-2007, 01:26 AM

Aww Jess..

I'm SO sorry you are going through this. I think he is going to regret his decision one day. Don't get down on yourself.. you are a kind, generous & attractive woman & if he wants to give that up, then he's too stupid for you!
Take care of yourself friend.. and you can vent to us anytime!

fertmom · 10-07-2007, 11:22 AM

and more

Jess. To me it is definitely him that has issues and not you! I feel very bad for you, and agree with Candice and Sue's advice. Gosh, why do men have to be so stupid!!

bunnicula · 10-07-2007, 12:58 PM

I'm sorry too Jess.

It doesn't sound like you did anything "wrong", so please don't beat yourself up about it. Like Candice said, you will feel eventually feel better and everything will work out for the best (even if it doesn't feel like that right now).

Ninja · 10-07-2007, 01:05 PM

Thanks guys... I realize now that I re-read it that the post was kind of... well extra whiny but I feel better "telling someone" even be it online as it's easier for me to tell yet I feel relieved to have support still through people who care.
Thank you guys so much.

Solarsis · 10-07-2007, 02:10 PM

I don't think you went wrong anywhere

He's the one with the issues. Unfortunately his issues are affecting you. That was a totally immature and non-respectable way of treating you! Feelings do change unfortunately, but leading you on like that because he wanted a place to stay and a car to drive? PFFFT!

Jess, you can do so much better than that. Someone who will love you for who you are and not the benefits you can offer. I know it hurts right now, but eventually you will see that better things await you. Take care of yourself for now and don't let him get the best of you. HE is the one who doesn't deserve you after that.

RossGirl · 10-07-2007, 02:53 PM

I am so sorry Jess.
I agree with everyone, he acted completely immature. He should have been up front and honest with you . You did nothing wrong. I am sorry that you are hurting so much. He is a fool to lose someone as attractive, sweet and compassionate as you are!

Mollymitten · 10-08-2007, 09:40 AM

I had nothing to add to what the others have said Jess, bug how about a big hug?